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Hi

Everyone

And will come back to america under the microscope

Welcome back to the studio

Janthanks for for wing

Me today

Hi

Everyone

So today

We are going to talk about something that is a turnal and something that is what people talk about in day to day life

Um quite like harder

We're going to talk about love and dating in the united states

Okay

So especially we are going to compare and how relationships work out in states and in china

Let's start with where do people mostly meet their partners

I imagine it somewhat simar to here in china

A lot of americans will meet their partners at school in that work

So it's place

It's really common and through uh religious groups

They belong to so they go to a church

They might meet other people from the church

And so on so it's not all crazy as you see in tv and films

And going to fancy parties and meet someone of cross room

Well in general if you compare life to tv

Life is far more boring most people to school work or religious group

Yeah

So let's start with dating

When do the mamajority of americans start to date

Well it's not uncommon for americans start art on to date in high school

School

High school school eighteen your

Our arle als ourteen

So it's ages between fourteen to eighteen

Fourteen to eighteen your starting from ourteen school china

We have have this idea

Oh

Not any more right now

Not so much

But when i was growing up this whole idea sorlliterally translated into premature dating meaning you're too young to day

And your parents wouldn't want you to start dating

Just as yet do you have anything like that the idea no

Not really

Because our parents wouldn't have any any room to stand

Because they did the same thing

When they were kids so so dating in high school is usually has parental approval um what do they do

When they go on a date

I mean they have schools

Mostly so did they just go to movies and yeah kind of that's basics

Don't they go watch movies together go to a ames

Go to coffee shop for just hang out in each oth's homes

Play games

Play games and stuff talk and most relationships to be honest and high school tend to be quite short

Yeah kind of really high school students say like one thing one weekend

The next thing thing like

Like something else se yeah

But you said they go to movies or they go for meals coffee

All of these costs money

But high school kids mostly don't have a job right

And then there says ys not necessarily sure we can have part time time jobs

We're in high school

Okay

So most people would earn their own dating money a very number i had a part time job

I delivered newspapers

When i was in high school

I'm in money that way

But let's say if you don't have a part time

And you want to take a girl out for a day

And then if you ask your dad and saying that i need to take this girl out on a date

Can i have so and so such amount of money to buy movie tickets

And so my dad would say no to me

And i goh that's nice ea date are you paying for ah some parents would give money to their kids

Some won't

That's more of an individual thing

But aren't american parents worried about kids

They don't really know what they're doing for example

They will probably and up getting into trouble

Or it's going to affect their school work

Oh Yeah

Of course

They worry about that self

But they also have the mentality

That if they say no

The kids are going to do it anyway

But they're going to do it in secret and more likely do more dangerous things

Or as if theyallow it

It and more open

Then the kids would also be more open about what they are doing um that's actually not about strategy now graduating from high school

Going into college

That i assume everyone dates

Yeah Yeah

That's like almost eighty percent students are dating in college

Because they're now in a situation

They're living at the university

Parents are far away

Um a whole bunch of other young people around them

Yeah

So casual dating is very common

But it's also a time where people start forming more long term serious relationships

Um

Because a bigger pool of students you're more likely to find people that share your interest with you at a university

I think there's a lot of misinformation if you have never been to united states

Oh

You watch teteen drama or all all these tvv ws or american movies

Because they always portraay these really sort of wild overly sexualized young people's life and dating scene

How far is it from the truth um pretty far yes student state they do things together

Yes is it as wild and promiscuous as they show wn the movies

No

Because these students are there to learn and contrary to what you see in a lot of tv and movie shows

Students do take their school work seriously

And there's a lot of schoolwork as well yes a ton

And this is also what you said they are forming

Starting to form more long term serious relationships

I guess it's the same as in china

I mean it's not that common for people to just meet someone in college

And then just basically get married right

Fresh out of college right

People don't go to college

To find a marriage partner

You just end up finding them

Finding a person

That is very suitable for you um

But even that the case it is highly unlikely that they will get married right after graduation

Usually they will just date for a while

Because when you graduate

They kind of our career focused first they want to get a job and get stable

And weddings are expensive true

And then moving on to perhaps more serious dating as in you probably want to settle down

Where you want to meet someone

That you can potentially spend your life with do people go on for example set up blind dates a lot

It happens

I'm

I don't know anyone pertially that's done this um

But it does happen people do introduce friends to other friends

嗯

What happens

But i don't think it's that common

嗯

Of course you introduce your friends

If you think they are good for each other

But what i'm saying it's perhaps more in china

Sometimes when women get older

I mean like probably older women that they get interested in match making they want to my mom has done that

That basically they young people they match king

King ah they might be perfect together

They want to introduce them do you have people like that almost like someone who just turned match maker

Not really i'm in general most americans

You don't get involved

When other people's dating

Because that's not whowhobaback of complication

That most people don't want

Don't want the responsibility as well well what what about menmentioned settling down you mentioned career in china

I mean it's a kind of like an unspoken role

People want to buy a house by a flat

Before they actually get married

Because a lot of people they don't really like the idea of having to live in a rental property

As a newly wet is there a similarst a thing in the united states

Not

Even a little bit most americans are perfectly happy living in rental property

And they've live in rental property for years and years

Even after they're married

Because americans are much more mobile meaning that they will change jobs and aning that other cities joeasily

And if you own this is hard h so they don't want to be tied down

Yes

And it's perfectly okay

That it's perfectly acceptable

People don't feel like

Oh

You know my life is so hard

I married

But i still have to live in a rental property

No

They don't think like that at all and plus in america

We don't have the same like if you're planning on having kids going to school

We don't have to worry about owning property in the school district

T kids ds go go school

School The

The room

Oh Yes

We mention this before even if you rent in the area

Your kids can still and can still go to school

There

So there is no 啊

Push and in some cases

It's more financially responsible to rent

Than by i say and another thing in chinese dating scene is still

The idea of 门当户u

But this has been in chinese culture for ages

The hopeso called mdunwho u is probably

People would encourage you to find find partner ner is more from the similar socioeconomic background

As you have i understand so in general and america

People do end up marying people from similar background

But this isn't

Cause it's like encouraged just happens naturally again they have more things in common right

But people do marry from very different backgrounds

But most americans have absolutely no problem with that um what about age difference again most people don't have any issue with it

And if they do they won't say it to your face or keep it to themselves um okay

And dating in companies at workplace do most companies have issues with that yes

In fact

We have an idiom in english

That describes says

Says don't stick your pen in company in

Oh

But it's probably not a specific rule in many companies

But it's action

No

It is a specific rule in many companies

That you are dating a co worker

You need to disclose it to human resources in some cases

You'll be transferred to different departments

So you don't work together

This is to avoid epotism and speciproproblems in the future

I see so if you're dating someone from your job

Then you need to report to human resources for many companies

Yeah

And companies have a specific relates as you are not allowed to date your go workers

I say so let's move on to talking about how relationships evolve

So you meet someone

You start dating first of all

It's casually more serimore serious

And then in english you say to move in together

They start living together

So is that very very common

Extremely common

Most americans are living together before get married

And probably most people woulreally consider getting married to some one i've never lived with yah that's really extraordindinearly rare

Most people will have lived together

Possibly for years before they

They get married

So for couples like that getting married as kind of just a formality at that point um

And that nobody's going to judge that right for the most part part um

It's just the way

It is so americans cohabitating um it's kind of the rule and moving in together

That is considered a major milestone

Yeah for a long term serious relationships

It's a big moststand

And the next one is meeting papats

Yeah

Now usually we would actually parents

Parents

Before we move in together

Ookay meananfamily for the first end

Because who is a big deal al this might be a holiday is is time

You do it like thanksgiving is a big one one ah to bring home

The the official girlfriend of a boyfriend right

And it's a sign of you know a serious relationship

Because you're confident enough to bring them to your family

Yeah

That's the same here

And i imagine people are also nervous

So how do parents respond to this

That depends from parents to parents family to families

Some families are like super friendly open and warm some like mine

They're going to pop fun at okay ay

It's kind of thing

Thing

My famililies know you're suitable for someone of my families

If you can take the punishment open the kes

Kes keep up with

With them

I guess every families very different

But meeting the family does that mean

This is prelude to marriage

Is it most likely

Uh so don't introduce it to your family

Especially parents unless

You're really that serious

Yeah

We wouldn't introduce a casual partner to our parents

Um

But serious partners

Yes

And i know this is a perhaps

A quite sensitive topic

I'm

I'm not to you

But to you a lot of chinese listeners

You'been in china all these years

I don't know

If you have heard of the idea of 彩礼

A basically

It's like gift or gift money given by the guys 's family to the girl's family

Kind

Kind of opposite degallery

It's like 假装的反面

Yes Ah

So that's a completely unheard of thing in the united states

It's something we would never do um

And i've know of cases

Where you know this has led to intercultural issues to me

Intercultural partners

Which like the one side of the families

Like they want ce you need to give money is a ak up for the marriage in the other side from a different culture res ck

But we don't do that in my culture has uh that leads to i have heard that it can't even lead to break up

It can't lead to break up

Yes

Because they can't bredge that gaw um actually each side has rationales behind it to be on a this

This whole tilly well it is culturbut it stestems

Ps

From facfacthat in chineinese traditional culture

Sometimes after getting married

The girl would actually leave her home to live with his family

Yes

And i know that sort of thing

But in america

This is on heard of

And most people don't live with either side of parent yeah

Newly weds want to live alone

What me left aland perhaps parents don't even want to live with you yeah

Usually is like oh you americit get out of the house buy we have hobbies

Snow will turning your room into a gym

Now gym tv room

Hobby shop

Say k bye i see

But do you still have to get like not parents permission

But is it customary peramericans to especially guys at least meet the girls

Papats to say that i would

Would like the irir's parenter

Yeah

That's still fairly customcustomit's not

Not just the guys both sides will do this

Oh

But yeah

It's not all over

But in general

Yeah

You do need to talk to the other person's parents bought intentions and things

Like that because while the parents don't really have a say in the end

But i'm going to nforforwhere where yeah and honestly you're going to get

Married to someone

You do do to be

You get get ririwith their in lows in ss ss

But i guess meeting the in laws in any lture ture be a really nerve fracking

But i mean a culture

Where it's not

Not nerve racking on

Like i like to meet it alright

I think that covers the basics of um

The dating and the dating process in the advanced episode

Let's talk about how relationships or the whole idea of marriage have changed in past few years

In the past few years

Past couple of decades perhaps in united states

Okay

Sounds good

Alright

Thank you for coming to the show

I'll see en next time by everyone

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