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Hi

Everyone

I'm welgo come back to happy hour

欢迎回来酒馆

海雅兰

Halluluu

Hi

Everyone

Aland

You know it's around ching meantime

Right Yes

It's the period of time

Where we honored a memory of our loved ones

Who have passed and basically we're honoring their memory

But at the memory of them

So i thought

I know we talked about death and funerals and those before

But i found a warrants another episode

Wow Yes

I is a very very deep topic

But today we're not going to be too more wonderful instead

We're going a be looking at a very recent trend about how to look at death

What is the trend

You're talking about something called death positivity

Death positivity

I've heard of body positivity before

这是什么身体征象

Yeah

What what does positive i mean

Don't we all have intrinsic fear crossing the cultural boundaries in every culture

We have our death tabooies

Yeah

This is our detimate feyeyeah

What what death positivity actually mean was the idea that talking about death

Openly can be healthy and helpful

Oh

I see so not being positive about death

But taking it out of the realm of taboo subjects

Yeah

So it allows us to see death as a natural part of life

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Something that should be be ared aavoided

And it helps to promote discussions about death

Funerals end of life planning to be honest

I mean having experienced really big loss myself

And also obviously watching other people go through wed

I do have this not doubt

But i do have this thought

That i would like to share with you

Yeah

And also our audience you know

Sometimes when family member is gravely ill

And this person who is probably going to die very soon

And when this person is trying to talk about what he or she wants to do

Because youynot really he's or her death

Usually the family members a lot of them

What you say

Oh

Don't say that

Don't say that you're going to die

You're not going to die

Because i ten ten that to be a little bit self centered

Because they're not really trying to make

Make the patient feel good

Instead

They're trying to avoid the topic of death

Well

Exactly i would say that we have the right to be able to discuss how we want to be remembered

What we want to happen

And this helps to make

And this helps people to make those type of choices

Um like for example

How they want to be remembered

嗯

How do they want their remains to be handled

Yeah

You know in chinese we have a saying called

明天和意外你不知道哪个会先来

Literally translated tomorrow or unexpected accidents

You don't know which comes first

Yes so

Even very young healthy people so can meet their end out acacday

Oh Exactly

Really so it kind of helps to talk about things

Like that yes so

Why do we atheir end to care about death

I know in china

This is the ultimate taboo

I think a lot of it is also the spiritual belief

Where yougonna go

Where we're going to end up after death

I means a hard topic one of the reasons

Why somewhere

Like the cememearies are somewhere that we put way out of town

Yeah of to be avoided

I remember is some chinese friends were asking me the first time

They visited for for ample europe pe or some other countries

They are so surprised that middle of the city

They can see like graveyards or grarip pts behind like a church

For example

They find that to be unbelieable lix

How you put something like that in the middle of the town

What is it like in england

Well we have few cemmetries and originally they were built at the edge of the town

But obviously like the cities grew and the cememetries now in in kind of residential areas

And i would say it does somewhat affect the house prices

But not to that bad of extent

The thing is that our cemmetries are usually quite big

They're usually very green as well

Is also very quiet places as well

This is why in a lot of tv shows are move

Because you do see people going to the cemetery or graveyards

And with a zztle of drink or something and set there

And talk to their loved ones who have passed away

Yeah

You often see that kind of seen now

So in the uk

In british culture is death still a taboo subject discussing death is seen as more bid

So when you focus a lot ly death ath people might say say you're being more bid

More bid as in very very negative

Very negative obsessed by death um

But can you actually openly talk about

Like what you said talk about

If you die or when you die

What can never arrangements

You want there is a movement to encourage that

And you can see on tv

For example

There are adverse advertising funeral services

Trying to make death seeen less mysterious

Yeah

This is i think because death is obviously the ultimate boundary

So i think this is why

The fear of unknown makes it a cultural taboo

And it's also because well we see

Don't hear opinions from people who have passed away

是all we can see our people who are left behind so with all the crying

The grieving ing

This is almost only associated with sadness unless

It's like in chinese

You know a chinese idea of sei song

Yeah

Which is someone very very old dies in he's or her sleep

Then is sesong

Because we feel like you live to a ripple age

Yeah

You died without any suffering

And this is some 我unfortune

But other types of death are seen en loss

Woh

Yeah

And i think media doesn't help with that

Because def is often sensationalized in films

So you see violent mysterious deaths or overly dramatic deaths

嗯

Sensationalized 就是过度

那种戏剧化过度

好像耸人听闻的那种感觉

Oh Yeah

Death is being

Uses entertainment

So you rereality the death in lots of cases isn't

That sensationalizit isn't

It just happens

It just happens

Um

So you mentioned the whole point about death positivity

How can that help us to talk openly or do have ving more open and accepting attitude towards a the topic of death

When it would use his fear and anxiety about death

It recognizes the death is something that happens

I think many people avoid talking about death

If because think think talking about death

Would make them more anxious about death

Yeah

But maybe not i think the whole death positive tive movement is trying to say that talking about

It actually reduces

Like he said reduces fear and anxiety well exactly

And it also helps people from a practical point of view

嗯

For example

Legally yeah

So for example

Understanding what the person wants her

His or her belongings or assets to be divided

How do they want that to be dealt with um

Then their end of life wishes is only thing i nonotice not only from person experience

But also from experience

Ces shared by friends is that one

The hardest things is the after death of a love one

There are lots of legal things that need to be sorted out

For example

Do you know their passwork to their mobile phone

For example

Yes

Or do you know the bank account details

Yeah

These type of very very basic thing that we take for granted

And when you're grieve in

When you incredibly upset having to also deal with those type of things haincincdibly ly respful thing ving incredied ed first hand the losopher loved one i can tell you

Because i had to deal with all of that

Yeah

And it's extremely difficult to suppress all your grief

All your sadness

And you have to deal with so many practical things from arranging the plot in the cemetery

To arranging all of the procedures at the cremeitorium

Unto i don't want to be more bit

But you know and to arrange all the assets they state and everything it is really messy

And that's the last thing you want to be dealing with

When you are grieving for a loved one

When you actually suffered a great loss

Yes and emotionally

As well it helps

So we encourages people to live more fully appreciain life

Why have it exactly so in chinese

We say 向死而生is basically

When you are talking about dedeath

You are actually celebrating life

You're not trying to say all i want to die

You're saying that because i know we're all going to die one day

So let's live our lives to the fullest one thing that always strikes me is so we talked about the ancient egyptians in the past

And people say are they were obsessed with bath

No

They were obsesess sed life

Life they just recognize that death was nevitable part delife

And they wanted to do everything

They could to live their lives to the fullest

I think it's also

It can also strengthen um family or community bonds by normal bicconversations about yes

Instead of saying

You know i talk about death

And people like sh don't talk about it

It's taboo

No

You talk about it as a normal subject

Yes

Because it's a subject

If there's one subject in life

We cannot avoid that is death precisely um so how can we practice that positivity first of all communicate really to talk

Openly talk about him

Um also plan ahead so right to will think about what it

You want your funeral to be like i remember you mentioned to me that you want your when you die

You want your ashes to be spread on was a england scens something like that yeah

Um what i would want is for my ashes

For my remains to be spread

Yeah

In england under a tree

嗯

就现在很流行那个树藏

Yeah 嗯

I see some people they want their ashes to be scattered in a sea

Ah lake

Yeah

And now you actually for some places is so common

You actually have to apply for it

I think for environmental reasons

But that's more than that mamaybe another episode

But i think nowadays there actually people who would have their memorial service

But they're still a lot

Yeah

I live in funeral

A living funeral

Because you'll be able to see who will come to a funeral

What they will say about you

Oh Yeah

And it's encouraging people to appreciate life by living with intention we've gratitude

Exactly and essentially that is what a funal should be in my view

That it should be a former gratitude to the perperwho has paspassed

Exactly i have a

You know

I always have a problem with because in chinese we a jay 会dobecause it focuses on dwnion

It focuses on the sudden is the lost

The grief

Yeah

But i actually like the idea of jay 会stk

Because you're talking about someone's memory

Yeah

You're talking about their life

Whether it's a big life or just an ordinary life

Yesome highlights

You're celebrating the fact

You're not just grieving the fact that they have passed

You're celebrating the fact that they lift

Yeah

And i think this is the point of death positivity

Although shouldn't be taken too far

I don't think you should be obsessed with death

But i truly think that being able to talk about death

Openly not just avoiding it

嗯

Will perhaps lead to a healthier attitude towards this

That's what what beliebelieum okay and hopefully

This is not too heavy a topic for our audience

If you have anything to share on this topic

Or if you have any request the further topics that you want us to talk about leave as a comment in the comment section

Thank you

I like for coming ting the show

Thank you

You toeveryone will see you next time

Bye bye

嗯

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一年之计在于春

万物复苏

酒馆铺子焕新迎春

即日起到四月七号

全店九五折

全球甄选好物为您一键送答

微信小程序搜索酒馆铺子

跟我一起云看世界

一切美好皆可期

新会员立减二十哦

我们在酒馆等你