The other day
I took a walk
Because the air was sweet
And I passed the crusty house
Of the curmudgeon on my street
Now
Every town has got one
So I'm sure you'll understand
When I tell you this old bastard
Is a mean and bitter man
Now
This day
It was special
I was wearing my new hat
The old curmudgeon saw this
And he disapproved of that
He said:
I've had one just like that
For ten years
You ripped me off
You've got no right to wear a hat
Like mine
So take it off
As it happens
I'm a gentleman
So I approached his porch
I told him
Great minds think alike
And you have one
Of course
So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you
When I come through
He reached down for his gun and said
I'll shoot you if you do
And I said:no one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead
Well
The next day I forgot
This whole d**ned mess
And went to town
And there I saw
A hundred or so posters all around
And on them was my face
And I was wearing my new hat
And they read:this guy ripped me off
I've got one just like that
I took a walk down to his house
To see if I could find
A way to show him
That we're kindred spirits of the mind
I told him I didn't make these hats
Nor did you
Of course
And hey
We both love johnny cash
He said get off my porch
And I said:no one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead
When you look back on your life
What will you see
Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines
There's no shortage of potential enemies
So don't
Waste so much time pushing away your kind
I thought
I must be stupid
Or just crazy from the heat
When I went down to the house
Of that curmudgeon on my street
Maybe it was foolish
To go too his house again
Just to show this crazy drunken fool
He had a friend
When I got there
Much to my surprise
He wasn't there
He was gone
As was his shotgun
And his rocking chair
I asked the neighbour lady
Who was lying on her lawn:
What happened to that mean old man
She shrugged
And that was all
No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'Cause no one's gonna miss you
Hell
No one's gonna notice
And I'll enjoy the silence
When you're dead