Tonight feels carefully decided,
Like something signed without appeal.
The world continues as instructed,
While I forget how breathing feels.
You return to ordinary hours,
Unaffected by goodbye,
While I still turn toward your absence
Without knowing when or why.
If time would loosen for a moment,
I’d return without a sound,
Stop myself before I reached you,
Before attachment settled down.
Not to change the way you liked me
You were gentle, nothing wrong
Only spare myself the knowing
I was feeling this alone.
I was unfinished, poorly folded,
Too sudden with a fragile heart.
What was simple just between us
Somehow tore my world apart.
Now your words remain inside me,
Sharp enough to stay awake,
While for you they fade like echoes
Of conversations people make.
I hope sleep finds you without effort,
Soft and deep and undisturbed.
I know your nights were never altered
By the meaning that I heard.
And forgive this quiet wishing
Small, unnecessary, true
That the happiness surrounding you
Might have stayed beside me too.
I learned patience far too late now,
Lessons no past can reuse.
I argued gently with destiny
And destiny let me lose.
Nothing needed to collapse
I simply cared too soon.
Maybe now I live within you
As a moment passing by,
Just a name remembered faintly
In an otherwise calm life.
Still, wherever night receives you,
May it hold you safe and light
Even if I’m the only one
Learning how to sleep tonight.
I don’t ask to be remembered.
Only that
you sleep well tonight
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