Research - KMurdock Music Group

Before I get my 17 tabs, I'm just getting started.

When did curiosity turn into something guarded?

I told myself 10 minutes, that was hours ago.

Now I'm saving bookmarks that I'll probably never know.

What to do with stacking files in a folder called later?

Is this dedication or am I my own betrayer?

Started with a question, something simple, something small.

Now I got a hundred and I can't recall.

Which one was the first?

Which one even matters?

Every time I try to stop, the whole thing just scatters.

Into something bigger, into something I can't name.

I keep telling myself this isn't quite the same as the last time or the time before that.

But here I am again in the same exact trap.

When does looking turn to fixating?

When does learning turn to suffocating?

I don't know where the line got drawn, but I crossed it somewhere and kept going on.

I call it research, when does it turn to spiraling?

I call it thorough, when does it turn to unraveling?

I can't tell anymore if I'm swimming or I'm sinking.

I call it research but I don't know what I'm thinking.

Got a tab for every worry that I couldn't put to bed.

Got a note for every answer that just multiplied instead.

Is this being prepared?

Or is this something else?

Having conversations but I'm only talking to myself.

Like when does a collection start becoming something wrong?

When does holding on too tight mean you've been holding on too long?

I used to fall asleep, now I just wait for morning.

Every click's a tiny hit, I should be taking that as warning.

But the next link might be different, might be everything I need.

Or just another branch of something planted in a love seed.

Of doubt, of worry, of a question with no end.

I'm chasing satisfaction like it's ever gonna land.

Screen glowing on my face at a quarter after five.

That one pointer, am I just proving that I'm barely alive?

Or when does careful turn to crippling?

When does interest turn to spiraling?

I keep asking but I never stop.

I just add another question to the top.

I call it research, when does it turn to spiraling?

I call it thorough, when does it turn to unraveling?

I can't tell anymore if I'm swimming or I'm sinking.

I call it research but I don't know what I'm thinking.

Maybe knowing there's a problem is supposed to be enough.

Maybe asking the question means I'm calling my own bluff.

Or maybe that's just another thing I'm telling myself tonight.

Another way to keep on clicking till the morning light.

I call it research, when does it turn to spiraling?

I call it thorough, when does it turn to unraveling?

I can't tell anymore if I'm swimming or I'm sinking.

I call it research but I don't know what I'm thinking.

One more search, one more page.

I call it research.

I don't know what to call this stage.