The Year I Lost You - ArlenaZara
January started like any other
I didn't know I was counting down the days
February, you forgot my birthday
Said work was crazy, I pretended not to cry
March, I found receipts in your jacket
Told myself it was nothing, just a lie I wanted to buy
April, we stopped dancing in the kitchen
May, your laughter didn't sound the same
June, I caught you checking your phone at midnight
And I learned to swallow the pain
That was the year I lost you
Not in one day, but in a thousand little ways
You were still there in the morning
But your heart had already left without a trace
I was holding on to someone
Who was holding on to the door
That was the year I lost you
And I don't want it anymore
July, we drove to the ocean like we promised
You stared at the water, I stared at you
August, I stopped asking where you were going
September, I stopped asking the truth
October, I found myself crying in the grocery store
Standing in the pasta aisle, frozen in place
November, I started sleeping on my side of the bed
And gave up waiting for your embrace
That was the year I lost you
Not in one day, but in a thousand little ways
You were still there in the morning
But your heart had already left without a trace
I was holding on to someone
Who was holding on to the door
That was the year I lost you
And I don't want it anymore
December came with snow and silence
I packed your things on Christmas Eve
I left a ring on the kitchen table
And finally let myself grieve
I thought losing you would break me
But the breaking was already done
I just didn't know the weight I was carrying
Until I put it down one by one
That was the year I found myself
Not in one day, but in a thousand little ways
I was still standing in the morning
With my heart ready to love again someday
I was holding on to someone
Who taught me what I'm worth fighting for
That was the year I lost you
And found so much more
January started like any other
But January doesn't feel the same anymore
I don't miss you
I just miss who I was before
Before I lost you
Before I lost me
Now I'm finally free