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We've Got to Keep Up With The Joneses - Gracie Fields
There's a family called Joneses come lived next to us
And they're causing our family no end of a fuss
They're very posh people you know by their clothes
He wears plus fours and she talks down 'er nose
We used to be 'appy 'til they came our way
Now everything's altered I'm sorry to say
Cos we've got to keep up with the Joneses
We do just whatever they do
They're so very cork tipped that Mother got pipped
And said we would show them oo's oo
When dinner is ready Ma bangs on a gong
She puts in 'er aitches and gets them all wrong
And Dad says 'e might 'ave a bath before long
Cos we've got to keep up with the Joneses
We've got to keep up with the Joneses
Last Monday was their washing day
And when Mother saw what Mrs Jones wore
Well she bought a pair right away
Dad said "Aren't you cold in them thin celonese "
Said Mother "I was 'til I hit on this wheeze
I'm wearing me fleecy ones underneath these "
Cos we've got to keep up with the Joneses
Dad goes off to work in a collar so neat
But 'e snatches it off when 'e gets down the street
Jones kisses 'is wife when 'e goes off to biz
So dad said "I'm 'aving a basin of this "
And just to make sure 'e's doing things swell
E kisses the dog and the tom cat as well
Cos we've got to keep up with the Joneses
They really are terribly swell
It gave us a jar when Jones bought a new car
So we 'ad to 'ave one as well
One Saturday evening Dad brought it across
But we lost it the following morning because
The fella who owned it found out where it was
But we've got to keep up with the Joneses
We've got to keep up with the Joneses
Our manners improve every day
Even Grandma says "Pardon " and runs down the garden
When her food has gone down the wrong way
Our Gert gave our Bert such a sloshin' one night
She said "Stop that scratchin' it isn't polite
When there's company present you just let 'em bite
Cos we've got to keep up with the Joneses "