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Message number 7. Volume 1.
Where am I?
Sometimes, when I'm in a room, it will remind me through a smell or something,
of a room I've been in before.
Sometimes the smell could be can-fer, or vanilla,
or (whatever) what it is smell they put in gas so that you...
You’ll be able to detect there's a leak.
And suddenly, I'll be transformed to that other place and usually it's a room I had as a child
in which I had a terrible fever once.
And the entire room was transformed in my imagination or in my feverish hallucination
into a place of screaming white faces looking at me.
It was interesting and disconcerting at the same time.
It was around then that I first began having the dream
where I was a child at the bottom of the sea.
And there, my sea uncles, and I think maybe they were really turtles,
introduced me to a robot who was apparently my brother.
My robot brother under the ocean. I thought about him for many years,
I believe he had a red head and a yellow body.
Kinda now I'm thinking like Iron Man.
But this, I hadn't heard of Iron Man at the time.
And then we would travel places years later.
I found out I had a brother I didn't know about, my father had had another son.
And he wasn't a robot, but to me he was
cause that’s what havin' a half-brother is like sometimes.
I think the meaning of the dream, and the whole meaning of the fever, was this,
and not about a real brother at all,
but to know yourself in such a way that that hidden robot brother in you,
again, introduced to you by your (body) underwater uncles,
can help you come to peace with things.
That's why other smells don't take me places -
like most of the bad ones, like rotten meat, which I remember smelling like on a ship one time.
You have to store food on a ship you see.
If you're going out to sea you can't just, uh, expect to go shopping.
You have to bring along what you're going to eat.
So, if you bring along something that's too fresh,
it's gonna go bad.
And that's a rule a life as well. Make sure things are dried up or put away in tins.
Can last ya, even if ya have malaria and get a fever - start seeing thing that aren't there!
But they can be good company too.
Not everything that isn't there isn't real.
Like this room.
Not this room, but the room I'm in as a child
and I'm brought back to by the gas smells and the can-fer and other things
like I said, maybe it was cookies or something my grandmother was baking.
Cause she would and she'd infect these places in my mind with them molecules imprinting.
And now I can't shake it.
And so maybe if I smell you *sniff sniff sniff*
and your coat been in one of those closets with moth balls,
I'm back there again.
Oh, it's tiresome. I wanna go on and live another life outside this cycle of my memories but I cannot.
I'm trapped inside them, it's a little spiral,
and I think as I die and I remember them more opaquely
and it’ll become more like a Man Ray movie
that's it’s gonna be even more interesting.
What's this part?
Everything will be a surprise as the movie in my mind unwinds.
And it'll remind me of things. And I'll take little naps.
And it won't be so bad.
And that room...it is a ship.
It was a ship all along.
And that's probably why I smelled gas.
But now looking back,
I don't know, would I trade it for being on solid land?
Yes. I would.
That's the funny part.
Where am I?
Message 7, volume 1.
Provided for the public. And these discourses and others.
The where am I network.
where am I? where am I? where am I? where am I?
where am I? where am I?