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I'm No Russian - Jimmy Buffett
I'm no Russian
Not even Prussian
Doorman at the yacht club
Was my one claim to fame
Some say I'm nervy
Hell I'm from Jersey
This chasin' money
Can do things to your brain
How does a shore boy like me
Wind up out on the Black Sea
Dropped out of Harvard
Then joined the Coast Guard
Manned a faithful 50
On a boat in Gitmo
Did my duty
But missed the booty
I heard that St Barth
Was the place I should go
How could a coastie like me
Sail off into infamy
I couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar
All I ever did was steal an oligarch's car
My million dollar joy ride was not the perfect crime
And those bad boys from Little Odessa
Don't believe in wasting time
A Lamborghini Elemento
Ain't your average island car
"Park it close" the driver told me
Sounding like some kind of czar
With a bucket full of Cristal
And devil w**d inside
I thought it would be crazy
Not to take a ride
Flying through Gustavia
Passing Mini Mokes
The gendarme at the roundabout
Didn't get the joke
Speeding down the hill
Like a Dassault Mirage
Parked it on the runway
And headed for la plage
Bar on fire
Din of desire
Dancing on a table
She was waving me in
Her name was Kira
She knew no fear-a
Then introduced me to her vampirish friends
I'd never seen such a girl
Was she from some future world
Over thousand dollar vodka and kilos of caviar
I told them how I'd commandeered the oligarch's car
They were laughing speaking Russian and getting over served
When Kira looked at me and said
"Could you take us round some curves "
A chick drone strike
Is a lethal attack
You never see it comin'
And you can't fight back
They feel entitled to all access
From clubs to army camp-as
If you don't believe it
Ask those generals down in Tampa
The KGB and coppers
Soon joined in the chase
Spectators lined the roads
Like a grand prix race
I dropped the girls at Ti Barth
To get them out of their commotion
Then I missed the curve at Toiny
And drove into the ocean
Underwater
My world is sinking
Will I wind up like P**sy Riot
That's what I'm thinking
Feeling foolish
My fate's a mystery
Don't want polonium
Rolled up in my sushi
Oh baby Jesus come through
I am in need of rescue
Now we can't leave this white boy
Drowning in the dark
What the hell was he thinkin'
You don't f**k around with sharks
Turns out the lovely Kira
Held a most important tool
It was her daddy's Lamborghini
And she saved the crazy fool
No I couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar
They made an artificial reef out of the oligarch's car
It was Kira lovely Kira who got him off the hook
Then they took her yacht to Istanbul
Just to take a look
No I couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar
All I ever did was steal an oligarch's car
My million dollar joy ride was not the perfect crime
But I'm not dead still have my head
This margarita needs more lime