I sat in class pretending
Everything was clear
I laughed behind
The noise hiding tears with beer
I stayed late to study
Beneath the setting sun
I feared the wolves
But followed the chosen one
I fell deep in love once
Like any other man
I had long cheered
For love but only as a fan
I leaned too hard into
What I thought we all are
Now her memory haunts
Me like a broken star
I felt sick inside
Before I even named it sin
They called her immaculate
But she let me in
I thought the world would end
But if that only were
I feared the fire would be in hell
But it was all in her
I had tried hard to leave
That one horse town
But I slipped beneath
Her spell and just went down
It felt real enough to me
Until she had to roam
I can stand right here
But I'll never feel at home
I watch ladies pass me
By as the shadows lay
I return to the places
Still old echoes play
Or I try to return
But then I just pass right through
I ask what else one does
And what else I should do
I felt sick inside
Before I even named it sin
They called her immaculate
But she let me in
I thought the world would end
But if that only were
I feared the fire would be in hell
But it was all in her
I keep waiting not knowing
For what or when
I tell myself I must calm
Down and count to ten
I have nothing left to give
It is all already gone
I should just say
We are finished and move on
But I watch my hands tremble
As more doubts grow
I force an unconvincing smile
Deliberate and slow
I swear I will never forget
The sound of her name
I still sleep fitfully
Feeding my fire with her flame
I felt sick inside
Before I even named it sin
They called her immaculate
But she let me in
I thought the world would end
But if that only were
I feared the fire would be in hell
But it was all in her
The room turns white after a long while
I learn too late how to force
A smarmy smile
I count to ten again
But still I can not tell
I say it was only her
But mean my trip to hell