The Featherbrain Championship - Kevin Bloody Wilson
Written by:Kevin Bloody Wilson
You could se a blue was brewing as they eyed each other
Off
And the tension only mounted
When snakey won the toss
You break he said to lofty as he chucked across the
Cue
And the tension in the pub just grew and grew
I'll break alright said lofty as he snapped the cue
In half
Flung it back at snake and said here shove
This up your arse
Me nana give me that said snakey
Mate your f**kin gone
And the feather brain championship was on
It was the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
Two bloke the size of buffaloes
Big but not too bright
And no one gave two knobs of goatsh*t who was wrong or
Right at the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
No one seemed to know too much about their pedigree
In that sort of place you didn't ask them sort of things
They say lofty's from the top end he was ugly tough
And mean
Used a welders wire brush to scrub his teeth
And snake was just plain ugly where he came from no one
Knew
Reckon Rambo would have sh*t himself if snakey
Told him to
And together they weighed half a ton in singlet shorts
And thongs
There was no cunt home but all the lights
Were on
The breeze near knocked me over when snake threw the
Opening punch
It seemed to come from nowhere I just heard this
Sickening crunch
I thought if any bastard lives through
That
They're pretty f**kin good
Like a railway fitlers hammer splitting wood
It slammed lofty against the eightball tableflipped it
On it's edge
But he just casually got up walked around
Then ripped off all the legs
Then one by one he
Smashed the cunts across snakeys ugly head
If is brain weren't so well padded he'd be dead
But snake just shook his skull blinked a bit and slowly
Looked around
Then chucked a right that would have
Knocked the war memorial down
And the force of it sent
Lofty flying crashing through the wall now theres a
Doorway where there wern't one there befor
He landed arse up in the sh*thouse with his feet up in
The air
With bricks and sh*t and broken glass and paper
Every where
N caked in that and crap he ripped the
Dunny off the wall
And armed with that and f**kall
Brains went back for more
He slammed that dunny over snakeys head shattering it to
Bits
Peppering him with porcelain and splattering him
With sh*t
And there were teeth amongst the muck and
Sh*t who's they were you couldn't tell
But it looked like lofty lost an ear as well
And snakes right eye was swollen shut from where
He'd copped one hard
Fair dinkum mate it looked
As black as ernie dingo's arse
But with all the pieces missing and with all the blood
And gore
They wern't as f**kin ugly as before
There was flesh and hair and skin and bone and blood
Splashed on the walls
And them two bastards wallowing
In it rollin 'cross the floor
And the publican just
Scratched his balls
Wonderin lookin round
Ahould he clean the bastard up or burn it down
Most blues you see turn out to be a win or loss
Or draw
But f**ked if ive seen both opponents lose a
Fight before
And I heard snakey say to lofty as they crawled towards
The bar
F**k the snooker
Wanna game of darts
It was the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
Two bloke the size of buffaloes
Big but not too bright
And no one gave two knobs of goatsh*t who was wrong or
Right
At the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
It was the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
Two bloke the size of buffaloes
Big but not too bright
And no one gave two knobs of goatsh*t who was wrong or
Right
At the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
It was the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight
Two bloke the size of buffaloes
Big but not too bright
And no one gave two knobs of goatsh*t who was wrong or
Right
At the front bar featherbrain
Non title fight